You don't have to pretend here.
You don't have to be "on".
You're safe to let the mask fall
and let the real you breathe.
We'll walk together gently-
until you feel at home in your own skin.
A sacred invitation
Are you tired of pretending?
You've tried so hard to be kind, good, needed or perfect.
You've kept the peace. You've played the roles. You've read the books, prayed the prayers, tried to change.
You've done everything you can to hold it all together.
And still—something feels off. ​
You feel hollow, disconnected and unreal.
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Who you pretend to be doesn't feel authentic.
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You are like a chameleon, continuously editing yourself so that you are acceptable and impressive.
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You people please and hide who you really are.
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You feel like you're living behind a glass wall-
everyone can see you, but no one can touch you.
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Maybe you've always felt like the black sheep- or worse, like a fraud.
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Your relationships feel disconnected, unreal or strained.
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You want to connect, to be real, to love and be loved.
But you also learned:
"It's not safe to be myself."
Many of us were taught to survive by becoming what the world needed us to be.
We built masks, roles and identities not out of pride but
out of pain-
To stay safe.
To stay wanted.
To stay alive.
So you've learned to survive by pleasing, performing, perfecting or disappearing.
But somewhere along the way, you started to lose yourself.
Over time, you forgot there was ever a self underneath the performance.
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And losing yourself is the most devastating consequence of childhood trauma - not because of what happened but because of what never did.
. . .
And yet, this leaves so many people confused. "I don't know why I'm so messed up. My childhood wasn't that bad. My parents didn't abuse me."
The Trauma That Doesn't Look Like Trauma
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​What I eventually discovered is that complex childhood trauma isn't always what happened -​
it's often what didn't happen-​
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the safety that never came
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the love that required performance instead of presence
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the way you weren't seen or reflected accurately
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the emotions that were too much, too big or unwelcome
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the subtle ways you were shown you weren't as special as others
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the connection that flickered instead of holding steady
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the inner work your parents didn't know to do
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the generational patterns that shaped you from the inside out
Let's go deeper...
Let's name the invisible systems
that shaped the story of yourself.
The Hidden System
What you may be experiencing isn't just personal failure, emotional overwhelm or relationship confusion.
What you're experiencing is a system-
An invisible architecture of survival shaped by complex childhood trauma- early wounds, generational patterns and the longing to be authentically seen and loved for who you really are.
So, to protect yourself, you created a version of you that could be accepted.
This version-what some call the false self-was necessary.
It gave you a felt sense of connection when connection wasn't safe.
It kept you from breaking under the weight of what no child should have to bear.
But the false self isn't sustainable.
It disconnects you from others...and from your own soul.
It whispers,
"Be who they want you to be,"
while your true voice fades into the background until one day, you no longer hear it at all.
Narcissistic family systems create shame-based identities.
Many of us might have been raised in what could be called a narcissistic family system.
Not necessarily a family of narcissists but a system built on roles, performance, silence, denial and image management. The members of this system need everything to "look" okay as opposed to everything actually being okay.
In this system:
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Love is conditional
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Truth is dangerous
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Emotions are inconvenient
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Boundaries are betrayal
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You become either the golden child, the lost child or the black sheep/scapegoat.
These are imprints and they shape how you see yourself, how you relate and even how you see God.
Over time, they form a worldview-not one you chose but one you absorbed.
It becomes a lens through which you interpret life, love, safety and belonging.
And without even realizing it, you begin to expect the world to match what you once survived.
Narcissism is being reframed.
It's a loaded word - trending, triggering and often misunderstood.
Yes, real and devastating narcissistic abuse exists- we can not minimize that fact. And yet, much of what would qualify as "narcissism" is not a monstrous personality but a protective system built around emotional overwhelm, shame and early relational injury.
Maybe you've only heard narcissism used to describe abusers, manipulators, gas-lighters or people who refuse to change. But what is often missing is a space for those of us who aren't abusers...but who carry narcissistic traits born of shame, trauma and survival.
Could it be that narcissism is actually a false self system-a set of protections we developed to cover over shame, abandonment, and unmet needs?
Not a fixed identity...but a survival strategy.
What if, for some of us, narcissistic traits aren't a diagnosis...
but a map-showing us the places we've been wounded, disconnected and deeply shamed.
Maybe you've thought it about someone else.
Or maybe-like I once did-you've quietly wondered:
"What if it's me?"
This isn't about blame.
It's about gently unmasking the shame-based identity you were forced to wear to survive a childhood where you were not valued or seen.
When we understand that narcissism is a shame driven trauma response-not a character flaw-we begin to see that it also becomes a survival identity that doesn't form in isolation. It forms inside a recognized family pattern, a system as old as the family tree it came from. This system teaches us who to be, what to hide, what to feel and what to fear. It shapes our roles, our defenses and the ways we learn to survive. But patterns can be named, understood and released. And once we see the pattern clearly, we can step out of it and reclaim the self that was always there beneath the roles -
the real self, the sacred self.
If you've ever felt ashamed of how sensitive, reactive or disconnected you've become-if you've tried for years to be a "good person" while secretly feeling resentful, fearful or fake-you may be living from a shame-based identity shaped by early trauma and hidden emotional wounds.
Welcome to Unshamed And Renamed
You're not here to be diagnosed.
You're here to be seen.
This is a sanctuary for honest souls waking up to the systems they've survived-
the perfectionism, defense, numbness,
people-pleasing or silent rage.
A place to uncover the true self beneath the mask
with gentleness, curiosity and grace.
You're not alone.
You're not broken.
You're becoming.​
The fullness of life begins the moment you stop trying to be who you're not and begin the sacred journey of becoming who you truly are.
"But I have come to give you everything in abundance, more than you expect - life in its fullness until you overflow!" John 10:10 The Passion Translation
Meet Julie
Identity, Inner Work, and Sacred Becoming Guide.
Here, we explore the path of healing from false identity, shame and relational trauma through connection, truth telling and intimacy with Spirit.
Hi, I'm Julie. I didn't come to this work by reading a book or getting a certification.
I came to it by living through the long, messy unraveling of a shame-based identity that I didn't even know I was carrying.
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For decades, I lived with disconnection, emotional reactivity, relationship tension and a deep sense that something was off-
something I couldn't quite name. I prayed, performed, pushed harder. I tried to be better. But nothing worked until I realized that the version of me I was living from wasn't the real me.
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It was a false self I had built in childhood, crafted out of shame, people-pleasing, control and perfectionism. It helped me survive but it kept me from being free.
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My healing began when I stopped trying to fix myself and started telling God the truth-the truth about what was really going on inside of me that I was once too afraid to admit.
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Now, I help women do the same, gently dismantling the false identities they've carried for too long and guiding them back to the fullness of who they truly are:
grounded, beloved, honest and whole.
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This is sacred work. And I'm so glad you're here.
A gentle reminder
Healing isn't about becoming someone new. It's about becoming real. It's about remembering who you were before the shame, the masks and the performance.
Bainbridge Island, Washington
I've walked this path. This is my lived experience. I'm inviting you into something real.
Ways to Work Together
1 : 1 Coaching
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Private support to help you reclaim your true self, one gentle truth at a time.
Soul Retreats
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A safe, quiet place to breathe again, hear God's voice and gently return to yourself.
Identity Resources
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​Words and tools to awaken your spirit, calm your nervous system and help you feel seen and known.
